A few days ago someone pointed out that I was “unintentional.” This person pointed out that I usually tend to hide my emotions or brush off the things that actually mean something to me. I say things such as: “I don’t care” or “it doesn’t matter,” when it really does. I’ve always been known to keep my emotions to myself. I usually try to stop thinking about the situation or trick myself into believing that it really truly does not matter. I’m a runner when anything remotely serious happens to me, which is crazy, because I am usually very blunt in everything else. I tend to live a lot in my head which is a good and bad thing. It’s good, because I get to spend a lot of time with myself and have some alone time. It’s bad, because my friends and family don’t know how to help me because they don’t know the problem.

Anyway, that problem of mine has been pointed out a lot by my best friends. one of my best friends said last month, “why do you say that? Why do you pretend like you don’t care? It’s okay to care.” So, when one of my acquintances pointed out me being unintentional I quickly wanted to change it. I realized that I didn’t want to be the girl who ran.

Jonah in the Bible was also very unintentional and sadly he didn’t have any friends to tell him that. He got a special message from God to go to the city of Nineveh and preach against it because there was so much wickedness happening. But Jonah was afraid of this, because he had heard so many terrible things about the people and what they did. So, instead of going to Nineveh where God had commanded him to go and instead of talking to God about his fear, Jonah

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He ran all the way to a ship and boarded it to sail to Tarshish where he thought he would be fleeing from the Lord.  This really set God off, and God sent a great wind and violent storm on the ship that was causing it to break. The crew members were terrified. They had no clue what was causing this storm, so, they started praying to their gods. However, Jonah was taking the whole “you should sleep on it” literally and he was passed out below deck. Out of fear and confusion the sailors asked him,

“How can you sleep? Get up and call on your god!”-Jonah 1:6

They started questioning him about everything.

“Tell us, who is responsible for making all this trouble for us? What kind of work do you do? Where do you come from? What is your country? From what people are you?”-Jonah 1:8

and Jonah said,

“I am a Hebrew and I worship the Lord, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the dry land.”-Jonah 1:9

The sailors started fearing even more, because they knew that this man was running away from the Lord, so they asked him,

“What should we do to you to make the sea calm down for us?”-Jonah 6:11

They ended up taking Jonah and throwing him overboard and the storm calmed down.

A few days from now I will be going to study abroad in Chile for 3 months. I am terrified y’all. Terrified of the different language, tedious hours studying, foreign food, hiking (lol) and so much more, but I know that this is the plan that God has called me to do. I want to run like Jonah. I want to stay in the comforts of my own bed and fall into a deep sleep or board a cruise to Italy or something, but I can’t.

I am a runner, but I don’t want to run this time. This time it will be different. I will be different. Instead of running from God, I will ask,

Lord, what “should [I] do to make the sea calm down?”

-much love

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare[a] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart”.-Jeremiah 29:11-13

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